Dear Jen of the Past,

So… I probably shouldn’t even do this to you – since messing with space and time is a dangerous game and all. But I just feel like I really need to talk to you…

Right now, you’re probably out in the woods, checking all of your fairy stumps to see if they came and collected the honeysuckle crowns you left out for them last night. I won’t give away if they ever did or not – that one is for you to find out 🙂

My reality feels like it is the exact opposite right now. To be fair, it’s also spring here – but spring in LA means heat waves and finding clever ways to air out your hotbox of an apartment at the end of each day. We don’t have central air, and East Hollywood is no place for the heat-sensitive soul. I hate to tell you, but we still haven’t really gotten over that – Dad may be right, we just have dragon blood.

Anyways, I miss you so much. You know how you’re a creature of optimism? How you never doubt each and every day that the world is big and wonderful and full of the most amazing experiences you can dare to dream up? I fear that that is slipping away from us…

I know that you will tell me that I just need to breathe and run and look at the sky. That there is no impossible and that life really is as amazing as we think it can be. You always knew that you were going to live and succeed and accomplish your goals. But I’m afraid right now. Maybe I took a wrong turn and led us off course – maybe our dreams are only the things that get us this far and then we have to face the reality of not understanding what it is we are actually put here for. I’m afraid that I am not unique and different, and Jen – to be honest – I don’t know what to do.

This market is saturated with amazingly talented people. Everywhere you turn there is another person who is just as good as you, if not better. And even though I am in awe of it – today I just worry that there is no room left for us. I know that it is not a matter of being talented or smart or even captivating. We are all of those things and always have been (as you obviously know). But Jen, what if being all of those things is not enough anymore?

If I could just be with you today –  I think you might be able to tell me otherwise. You would take my hand and lead me through a new, undiscovered place in the woods and remind me that we do not give up. That doubt is only a form of resistance and it isn’t real. It feels so real today I can sense it inside my lungs – and with each breath it’s seeping out my pores.

You never gave up and you believed in me so much (you have no idea how much I love you for that). I don’t know when I lost our tenacity, but I need your help in finding it again. Just tell me what to say and remind me what we are made of. Because today I am acutely aware that you are the strength in this relationship and I need the hope that you possess.